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of the criminally insane

External Services:
  • morty.baby@gmail.com
  • morty_baby@livejournal.com
The only thing you need to know about me is that I like to put gravy on everything because

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Well, two things, actually. The only other thing you need to know about me is -

I was visiting my brother Bill and his wife one night and because of severe inebriation (cursed Bill and his force-feeding antics), I stayed overnight and slept on their lumpy couch. They both go off to work bright and early the next morning, leaving me to rummage through their bathroom cupboards and lick their vaseline jar and look for stray drugs. Bill is renovating his bathroom and there is no toilet but I see that he has the sink in place and rather than hit the great outdoors, I decide that I am just going to hang my big white BUM over the sink because I am at the peepee dance stage and I have to do SOMEthing, STAT. So I perch over the sink and ahh... start a very nice big long steamy beer pee. I pee and I pee as I swing my legs and hum tunelessly, staring into space and I think I will NEVER stop when I can hear liquid splashing under the sink. The sink that has a pipe with a trap piece in place but it ends right there - it is not hooked up to ANYTHING. I have just peed all over the inside of the vanity and all the stuff stored there. It pools and runs out onto the rug in front of the sink and heads zig-zaggedly across the room. So, for the next brutally hungover HOUR, I mop and I wash and here's a word of warning:


Nothing good will come of it.


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